Bloom. “To come into full beauty and health; to flourish” – I like to accompany the word bloom with blossom which I will define as “to mature and develop in a promising and healthy way”. These two words have had big meaning in my life and happen to go well with my name. I’m going to focus more on blossom than bloom in this posting. When we mature that means that we have had experiences and have been though different areas of life that give us a broader perspective and understanding on a certain subject. We are more knowledgable on how to handle situations.
I must admit, within the past year, when it comes to something that I want to do and other people tell me it would be smarter to do otherwise, I usually end up doing what I want to do and live with the consequences. Growing up, I was given a lot of direction and if I didn’t follow that direction, I was in the wrong, at least I felt that way (not just by my family but to other adults who took me under their wing). I only took direction from the ones I trusted and confided in and I held their opinion so high that it had to be the right way to do things and the way I was thinking of going about it was certainly wrong. It didn’t help that I was really weak when it came to having people be upset with me. It would bring me down so much if someone was mad/upset at me that I would not be happy until things were settled between that person and I. This made me very much so into a robot. Being told what to do, believing that was the best for me (even if I felt otherwise), and doing it. I couldn’t think for myself and when I did I had to check with EVERYBODY (I trusted) to make sure I was doing things the “right” way. Not until college did I begin to feel the heavy load I was carrying on my back to please everyone.
I’m not going to get into all the details because you would be reading for a really long time, so I will spare you, but it did take me about a year to start making decisions for myself even when those I trusted thought differently. I’ve had to deal with the people I care about the most being upset with me while I go on making the decision that I think is right. Sometimes it turned out great, other times I just learned a lesson. But I realized that I needed to learn those lessons so that I could blossom, so that I could bloom. I couldn’t become my own person until I started making decisions for myself, whether they were smart or not.
I’m finding there is a good balance of taking into consideration the opinions of those who know you well and my own opinion. Sometimes they match and sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they give a different perspective while other times they don’t help at all. It’s all part of the process. I also confidently know that when the ones I love give their opinion, they are trying to help, not to hurt (wish I knew how to see that back in the day). As of now, I am still learning. I still like to make the decisions I want and live with the consequence but a part of me knows that’s not the way to go about it. Sometimes I tire of doing the “right” thing – or doing what seems right in the eyes of others. I feel like that’s all I did growing up, and now I am going on the complete opposite side of the scale because I’m tired of caring. But deep down I know what it takes to mature and develop, to blossom and bloom – but I want to want to make those decisions, the ones that have my best interest at heart whether it be what I want or it be something I don’t want. It takes time for the lilies to bloom and the roses to blossom and until it’s time – they weather the storm.
Click this word Bloom to listen to the song that got me through a lot of my hard days.
Daisy update: She’s eating a lot more now – which makes me happy because she is too skinny. She also ripped up my sister’s slippers and took all the fuzz out of them and I now find them all over the house.
This is Daisy and I before I left for New Orleans
The idea of being alone can be kind of scary sometimes. You have only your thoughts to sit with you. I can say that being in my twenties has allowed me to really begin to learn who I am. And notice I said begin.
Usually, I do my best to avoid time by myself. I don’t like to be alone. I like having somebody to talk to and laugh with (That’s where Daisy chimes in). But even so, when I end up alone I usually just lay in my bed and try to avoid thinking by thinking about avoiding thinking. Works about 4% of the time but I still try it everytime just in case it changes one day…(fingers crossed). The more I’ve failed at avoiding my thoughts, the more I have had time to learn about what I like and don’t like, where I like to go and where I’d rather not be, who my real friends are and those who say they are but act otherwise. I’ve learned that seasons come and go and so do people. That was a hard lesson to learn. Sometimes we believe that once we form a good relationship with somebody that it should stay that way forever, and if it doesn’t then we must have done something wrong. True tlwe may have made some bad decisions when it comes to relationships, but we all have; but that is not the only reason why relationships end. Sometimes they end because God closes that door and is opening a new one. Sometimes we put ourselves at a standstill in life because we keep sticking our foot in the door that God is trying to close. We want to hold on to what we know because we don’t know anything else…and because we are afraid of what we don’t know.
Many times, when we finally end up going through new doors, problems arise. We then begin to question if this is the way that God wanted us to go. But God never said because we are walking in His will things will be perfect. We could be right smack dab in the middle of God’s will for our life when there is chaos going on all around us. That’s when we have to live and be led by our Spirit. (Even though it’d probably be in our favor to be led by the Spirit in all circumstances but let’s face it, sometimes we think we know what’s best for us and go based off of that instead. Insert chuckle here).
I feel like I am jumping all over the place, I don’t even know how I got to this topic, let me go back and look…one second…Oh okay, being alone, to learning about self to relationships, seasons, open doors, and then God’s will. Back on track now.
All that to say, when you feel alone, take advantage of it because I’m darn sure you will get up with more knowledge of who you are as apposed to when you first sat down. And remember, you are never alone. When you talk, God always hears your voice.. and He’s always listening.
Pup Update: She went on a car ride with me today but before that was in her pen most of the day because I was at work. Now we’re chilling in my room.
Daisy is a boss. If you haven’t figured it out by now, that would be my one and a half year old dog. I’m about to tell you a true story…here we go:
Back in 2014 my life was in shambles. Completely an utter mess. It was one of those times in life where you go to sleep one night and the next day you can’t bring yourself to get out of bed. The type of time where you don’t want to talk, you don’t want to think, you even don’t want to get up and take a shower (yes, I was in deep). I had been experiencing this for months as I watched March quickly swing around the corner. One day I encountered a girl who was talking about how much her dog helps her when she feels down. I immediately thought, “Well golly, I need to get myself a dog”. I searched and searched for puppies. I was in Petland almost every single day just playing with the puppies. I finally came across this young man who was selling the puppies on Craigslist (sounds sketch but it really wasn’t bad). The price was good so my mom and I went to go and get a puppy. Once I got there, there were two little puppies sitting in a cage, one brown and one black. He looked at me and said I could choose. (Now here I am about to make a life altering decision and he says “just choose?!” Preposterous!) Obviously, I picked the black one because my hair is black. It only made sense. The young man and my mom were talking as I picked up the black one and before we left he stopped us and said, “I want to pray for you before you go”. I’m thinking “okay, that’s cool, I’m down for an extra prayer.” He then proceeds to pray exactly what I needed to hear that day, “God is in control”. I left pretty amazed at the fact that he didn’t even know we were believers and had no idea what I was going through. Right then, I knew that God had set up a Divine Appointment. The young man also lowered the price $50. I was definitely in the right place.
I had a hard time deciding her name. I wanted her to have a flower name, like mine, and the only name that I could think of that I liked was Lily. BUT…I wanted to name my child Lily so that didn’t work out. (And now I can’t even name my child Lily because my lovely cousin took that name for her child!…love the child but not so much the cousin…wink wink).
Immediately I began to notice that the ONLY reason I would get out of bed in the morning was to take Daisy out. And once I took her out, usually, I’d stay out of bed for a while. I’d watch her jump around and fling toys across the room. That never failed to bring a smile to my face. It was nice to be sitting in a room and then hear little footsteps coming from around the corner. ALL she wanted to do was love on me, which most dogs do and because of her, my days saw a lot more smiles than they did before.
Daisy is older now and knows how to get away with things and then looks at me as if she’s done nothing wrong even though she knows she did. Daisy and I spend a lot of our time together. Playing with and throwing toys, watching TV, listening to music, bothering my mom and sister, sharing food, and showering (yes, I actually shower now a days even though I wish I could just press a button and be clean instead of having to actually get in the shower). She was the pep in my step that helped me start to put my life together again. To this day we are inseparable. Most people that meet her tell me she is a nutcase then proceed to tell me that dog’s take after their owners. I’ll take it as a compliment. There you have it, that is the story behind the name…welcome my dear friends, to Rose and Pup. 🙂