Try and Stop Me

What do you do when you can’t do anything about your situation? I love track and field. I did it all throughout high school and into college as well. The only thing was, I ended up having two hip surgeries in the span of 7 months. That really put a damper on my plans to run. Long story short, through PT one hip got better and the other hip was having complications. So I decided to leave and come back home since I could no longer run (by the way, I was up in Iowa City when all of this happened. Don’t be too quick to judge Iowa because Iowa City is beautiful, go look it up! But yeah, the rest of it is all corn…) I was having a hard time when I got back and I was mad that all this happened to me. My solution was not to workout the whole year. I hated anything that had to do with getting fit.

Now, I’m still in love with track and I am still in love with exercising (don’t know what I was thinking to try to hate it! I’m an exercise addict)! I started training again and my hips were fine and we were ready to go to meets and compete. I was ECSTATIC! But then, (there is always a but) my hips started to hurt me again. It got worse and worse. I was trying not to believe it but I couldn’t because it wouldn’t go away. We did every stretch and strengthening exercise in the book to try to help it. But that wasn’t doing it. I end up going to a surgeon down in Smyrna, Georgia, he’s great. We took X-rays, CT scans, and all that other jazz to look at what was going on in my hips. Come to find out, the surgeon who did my first two surgeries did them WRONG (No darn wonder I was having constant pain). I don’t want to get into all the details because I don’t want to put the whole situation out in the open. So then, we are looking if we can find any way to fix what the surgeon messed up. I’ve been to three different surgeons, and they all say there is no guarantee of what they will find in there and be able to do to fix it. Some even said they said they’ve never run into this problem ever before (WHAT! I’m doomed). Two surgeons then recommended a surgeon in St. Louis. I sent him all my reports and images and he looked at them (it took sooo long for them to get back with me, but they did, which I am thankful for) and said that it is likely surgery would be a good option. So that’s where I am in the present moment. Waiting to go to St. Louis next month. My coaches help me keep my head up and I am so thankful that they are here during this process – I wouldn’t be where I am without them. It can get very discouraging at times because track was my outlet. If I’m not feeling well, I’ll go to practice, If I’m mad, I’ll go practice, If I’m anything, I’ll go practice. Lately, I’ve been struggling to find a new outlet. I’ve tried painting, writing, and now I’m taking ASL (American Sign Language) classes ( I want to be able to work with Deaf patients once I become an occupational therapist). I really enjoy that class. I’m looking at piano and cycling classes. There’s not a lot of exercising I can do because my hips are involved in everything! And I don’t want to just workout my arms. I already have enough muscle on my arms as it is, I’m not trying to get anymore…that’s for sure. Either way, I’m not giving up! The enemy has thrown SO many curve balls at me so I guess I am doing something right 🙂 Never Give Up ( according to Yolanda Adams song). There is something waiting for you at the end – it’ll all be worth it.

So yes, that is where I am at now and I would very much so appreciate your prayers. Sometimes (actually a lot of the time) God’s plans are totally different from what we picture. So really, it’s about trusting Him that He knows what He’s doing, and with my former experiences with God, He definitely knows what He’s doing 🙂

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New Balance Nationals

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I'm the one with the number 5. I got a late start...

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Daisy Update : She’s just repping the season
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Oh my Daisy!

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I think Daisy is confused because clearly she doesn't know her boundaries since she decided to climb onto my mom. Or she knows her boundaries but doesn't care. It could go either way

My Darling

My best friend, my sweet and precious soul, my darling…

Grandma.

I’ll start where I can remember. Grandma and Gramps used to take care of my sister, Sissy, and me. Most of what I remember is them bringing us to our little private school everyday and then coming back to give us lunch at lunch time and then waiting in the carpool line to pick us up at the end of the school day (guess me and sissy were some demanding kids). They also drove the both of us to piano lessons that were about 45 minutes away and they would wait 2 hours for us while each one of us had a piano lesson. This was only once a week. They also would pick me up and drive me to gymnastics. Now, let me tell you, I lived at my gym. Literally. It was a full time job for a little 10 year old. 36 hours a week in the gym…yeah (I’ll write about sports in another post). Grandma would bring me shrimp and collards mixed together in tupperwear. That was one of my FAVS. So I ate that a lot. Grandpa drove (a whopping speed of 35 miles per hour) which drove me nuts when I was late for practice (which was rare because gramps is so punctual. Gramps was the type of driver to come to a halting stop, turn his blinker on, and turn into the driveway. Funny little old man he was. All that to say that they both played a big part in our day to day life. They took care of us.

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66 years strong

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This was a long time ago at my dads old house. I had to be in middle school and sissy beginning high school

On holidays they would spend their time at my dad’s house (they were his parents) and then spend a few hours over at my mom’s house. As time went on they slowly could not make it up the stairs anymore to get into the house. We’d wheel my grandmother around the back of the house while gramps would very slowly make his way up the five stairs that led into my dad’s house. As push came to shove, they could no longer leave their house without a lot of pain and hassle. So at time, we would bring their food and gifts to them.

Now a days, Grandma and Gramps stay in the house quite a bit. I go over weekly if not more to see them. My grandma is very sick and lives in so much pain. The pain is healing but the process is hard to watch. The tables have turned now and it’s my turn to take care of her, to be there for her. I used to go over there and Grandma and I would just chat and chat while the time flew by. That soon began to turn into me talking and her listening with an occasional word. Now, we quietly sit together, holding hands and loving each other. Grandma has always remembered who I am when she sees me even though she has Alzheimers. Lately, it takes her a while to realize who I am. I’ll kiss her and say “Hey Grandma, how are you, it’s me.” In return, I see a blank face with a stare that shows her trying to figure out who I am. All I have to say is, “Grandma it’s me, your granddaughter. Your baby. Remember, we are best friends?” And without fail, every time, she then looks at me and says “Oh my darling” and gives me kisses. Though she may not grasp fully who I am or how we are connected, she knows that we hold something special between us. And no matter how old she gets, I believe she will always know that. Grandma holds a special place in my heart that no one will ever be able to match. I love her, she is my best friend, my sweet precious soul…my darling.

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I always pull up my chair right next to hers so I can be close to her

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It’s hard to see someone so strong become like a child again.

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My darling ❤

Daisy Update : She’s becoming a pro at not going to the bathroom in her pen but waiting until I get home to take her out instead. Success! I also gave her a bath yesterday which made me extremely happy. Now she smells like daisies. 🙂

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Daisy discovered her first Dandelion

Let’s Let The Flower Grow

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Yellow Calla lilies are my favorite flower.

Bloom. “To come into full beauty and health; to flourish” – I like to accompany the word bloom with blossom which I will define as “to mature and develop in a promising and healthy way”. These two words have had big meaning in my life and happen to go well with my name. I’m going to focus more on blossom than bloom in this posting. When we mature that means that we have had experiences and have been though different areas of life that give us a broader perspective and understanding on a certain subject. We are more knowledgable on how to handle situations.

I must admit, within the past year, when it comes to something that I want to do and other people tell me it would be smarter to do otherwise, I usually end up doing what I want to do and live with the consequences. Growing up, I was given a lot of direction and if I didn’t follow that direction, I was in the wrong, at least I felt that way (not just by my family but to other adults who took me under their wing). I only took direction from the ones I trusted and confided in and I held their opinion so high that it had to be the right way to do things and the way I was thinking of going about it was certainly wrong. It didn’t help that I was really weak when it came to having people be upset with me. It would bring me down so much if someone was mad/upset at me that I would not be happy until things were settled between that person and I. This made me very much so into a robot. Being told what to do, believing that was the best for me (even if I felt otherwise), and doing it. I couldn’t think for myself and when I did I had to check with EVERYBODY (I trusted) to make sure I was doing things the “right” way. Not until college did I begin to feel the heavy load I was carrying on my back to please everyone.

I’m not going to get into all the details because you would be reading for a really long time, so I will spare you, but it did take me about a year to start making decisions for myself even when those I trusted thought differently. I’ve had to deal with the people I care about the most being upset with me while I go on making the decision that I think is right. Sometimes it turned out great, other times I just learned a lesson. But I realized that I needed to learn those lessons so that I could blossom, so that I could bloom. I couldn’t become my own person until I started making decisions for myself, whether they were smart or not.

I’m finding there is a good balance of taking into consideration the opinions of those who know you well and my own opinion. Sometimes they match and sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they give a different perspective while other times they don’t help at all. It’s all part of the process. I also confidently know that when the ones I love give their opinion, they are trying to help, not to hurt (wish I knew how to see that back in the day). As of now, I am still learning. I still like to make the decisions I want and live with the consequence but a part of me knows that’s not the way to go about it. Sometimes I tire of doing the “right” thing – or doing what seems right in the eyes of others. I feel like that’s all I did growing up, and now I am going on the complete opposite side of the scale because I’m tired of caring. But deep down I know what it takes to mature and develop, to blossom and bloom – but I want to want to make those decisions, the ones that have my best interest at heart whether it be what I want or it be something I don’t want. It takes time for the lilies to bloom and the roses to blossom and until it’s time – they weather the storm.

Click this word Bloom to listen to the song that got me through a lot of my hard days.

Daisy update: She’s eating a lot more now – which makes me happy because she is too skinny. She also ripped up my sister’s slippers and took all the fuzz out of them and I now find them all over the house.

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This is Daisy and I before I left for New Orleans last week but I will tell you about that another time.

This is Daisy and I before I left for New Orleans

Give It a Go.

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The idea of being alone can be kind of scary sometimes. You have only your thoughts to sit with you. I can say that being in my twenties has  allowed me to really begin to learn who I am. And notice I said begin.

Usually, I do my best to avoid time by myself. I don’t like to be alone. I like having somebody to talk to and laugh with (That’s where Daisy chimes in). But even so, when I end up alone I usually just lay in my bed and try to avoid thinking by thinking about avoiding thinking. Works about 4% of the time but I still try it everytime just in case it changes one day…(fingers crossed). The more I’ve failed at avoiding my thoughts, the more I have had time to learn about what I like and don’t like, where I like to go and where I’d rather not be, who my real friends are and those who say they are but act otherwise.  I’ve learned that seasons come and go and so do people. That was a hard lesson to learn. Sometimes we believe that once we form a good relationship with somebody that it should stay that way forever, and if it doesn’t then we must have done something wrong. True tlwe may have made some bad decisions when it comes to relationships,  but we all have; but that is not the only reason why relationships end. Sometimes they end because God closes that door and is opening a new one. Sometimes we put ourselves at a standstill in life because we keep sticking our foot in the door that God is trying to close. We want to hold on to what we know because we don’t know anything else…and because we are afraid of what we don’t know.

Many times, when we finally end up going through new doors, problems arise. We then begin to question if this is the way that God wanted us to go. But God never said because we are walking in His will things will be perfect. We could be right smack dab in the middle of God’s will for our life when there is chaos going on all around us. That’s when we have to live and be led by our Spirit. (Even though it’d probably be in our favor to be led by the Spirit in all circumstances but let’s face it, sometimes we think we know what’s best for us and go based off of that instead. Insert chuckle here).

I feel like I am jumping all over the place, I don’t even know how I got to this topic, let me go back and look…one second…Oh okay, being alone, to learning about self to relationships, seasons, open doors, and then God’s will. Back on track now.

All that to say, when you feel alone, take advantage of it because I’m darn sure you will get up with more knowledge of who you are as apposed to when you first sat down. And remember, you are never alone. When you talk, God always hears your voice.. and He’s always listening.

Pup Update: She went on a car ride with me today but before that was in her pen most of the day because I was at work. Now we’re chilling in my room.

You May Be Wondering…

Daisy is a boss. If you haven’t figured it out by now, that would be my one and a half year old dog. I’m about to tell you a true story…here we go:

Back in 2014 my life was in shambles. Completely an utter mess. It was one of those times in life where you go to sleep one night and the next day you can’t bring yourself to get out of bed. The type of time where you don’t want to talk, you don’t want to think, you even don’t want to get up and take a shower (yes, I was in deep). I had been experiencing this for months as I watched March quickly swing around the corner. One day I encountered a girl who was talking about how much her dog helps her when she feels down. I immediately thought, “Well golly, I need to get myself a dog”. I searched and searched for puppies. I was in Petland almost every single day just playing with the puppies. I finally came across this young man who was selling the puppies on Craigslist (sounds sketch but it really wasn’t bad). The price was good so my mom and I went to go and get a puppy. Once I got there, there were two little puppies sitting in a cage, one brown and one black. He looked at me and said I could choose. (Now here I am about to make a life altering decision and he says “just choose?!” Preposterous!) Obviously, I picked the black one because my hair is black. It only made sense. The young man and my mom were talking as I picked up the black one and before we left he stopped us and said, “I want to pray for you before you go”. I’m thinking “okay, that’s cool, I’m down for an extra prayer.” He then proceeds to pray exactly what I needed to hear that day, “God is in control”. I left pretty amazed at the fact that he didn’t even know we were believers and had no idea what I was going through. Right then, I knew that God had set up a Divine Appointment. The young man also lowered the price $50. I was definitely in the right place.

Daisy was the cutest little puppy with a firecracker personality.
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I had a hard time deciding her name. I wanted her to have a flower name, like mine, and the only name that I could think of that I liked was Lily. BUT…I wanted to name my child Lily so that didn’t work out. (And now I can’t even name my child Lily because my lovely cousin took that name for her child!…love the child but not so much the cousin…wink wink).

Immediately I began to notice that the ONLY reason I would get out of bed in the morning was to take Daisy out. And once I took her out, usually, I’d stay out of bed for a while. I’d watch her jump around and fling toys across the room. That never failed to bring a smile to my face. It was nice to be sitting in a room and then hear little footsteps coming from around the corner. ALL she wanted to do was love on me, which most dogs do and because of her, my days saw a lot more smiles than they did before.

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Daisy is older now and knows how to get away with things and then looks at me as if she’s done nothing wrong even though she knows she did. Daisy and I spend a lot of our time together. Playing with and throwing toys, watching TV, listening to music, bothering my mom and sister, sharing food, and showering (yes, I actually shower now a days even though I wish I could just press a button and be clean instead of having to actually get in the shower). She was the pep in my step that helped me start to put my life together again. To this day we are inseparable. Most people that meet her tell me she is a nutcase then proceed to tell me that dog’s take after their owners. I’ll take it as a compliment. There you have it, that is the story behind the name…welcome my dear friends, to Rose and Pup. 🙂

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